Wednesday, March 23, 2011

earliest memories.

one of the earliest memories i have is when i was young maybe even before i was in elementary school i remember my parents putting me into my room locking me in there. i heard people talking and laughing through the door. i was so pissed off that i couldn't hang out i bite the blinds in designs that imprinted my teeth onto them. i opened my diaper and smeared my shit finger painting my room. i don't remember that much into it but i do remember my uncle and some other people cleaning the art of defiance off the walls of my room.

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i remember in first grade that my teacher was trying to teach us all how we were supposed to hold our pencils. she would go around correcting everyone. i held my pencil with all fingers touching the pencil and my lower finger resting flat. when she came around i would switch it back to how she told us but when she left i would go back to how i wanted to hold my pencil. when i got way older my grandmother commented on how i held my pencil that it was how a painter is supposed to hold their brush.

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i remember a kid one time trying to pee on me as he walked toward me with his penis out.

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i remember coming home as i heard a tweeting of a baby bird my dog had attacked and injured. i took the injured bird and held its head on a metal disk. i took a rock and smashed its head. it didnt die but continued to scream cheep louder. i hit it repeatedly smashing its bones while crying.

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i remember my father giving our pet ferret to the neighbors because we wouldn't pick up all its poop. the neighbors thought it was just a nice gift. i really fucking like that cute ferret and my father just gave it away.

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i remember my first grade teacher calling me a chatter box, this made me cry. later i recall her telling my mother on the phone that i should be put on ridalin. my mother yelled at her and i wasn't put on ridalin.

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i remember my father accusing me of stealing a cd player that i had and then smashing it into the ground. i ran from him, from the house, he chased me down the street. the way my legs felt.. it was like they were floating upward as i ran at an amazing speed with adrenaline.

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